Licky Licky Before the Sticky
What’s your take on men performing oral on their partners?
I am all for oral and reciprocity of pleasure. But, as a society, we do not all approach the conversation about oral in the same way. Some men see oral as a requirement for themselves with little to no interest in providing pleasure to their partner. It’s a one-sided approach. Some feel entitled to the act because they are men and are the providers/king of the household. This sense of entitlement often correlates to the partner’s pleasure being less than or unworthy of consideration. So, let’s talk about that.
I feel as though people throw the word king around so much they forget what the term means. There is no different social standing for a king or queen. They are both in power. However, we are in a patriarchal society where we attribute power to cisgendered men rather than equal distribution regardless of gender.
A queen does not have to be subordinate to a king in any way; that mindset is based on gender roles. If that is what you wish to follow, more power to you. Be the best you that you can be! However, this ideology is not shared by everyone. Keep in mind, if you are a person who is unwilling to share equal responsibility and power with your partner, you are in no way a king; you are a tyrant. There is a difference.
If pleasing your partner with oral sex is something you are uncomfortable with doing because it weirds you out, you had a bad experience, or it brings genuine disgust to you, that is perfectly fine. But, do not make it a requirement for your partner to do it for you. IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT!
If they wish to perform oral sex on you because it is what they desire to do, then enjoy it. Allow your partner to please you. However, making it a requirement is not fair to them. If this does seem fair to you, ask yourself, “What requirements do they have of me?” and “Am I willing to provide that during every sexual encounter?”
The requirement mindset is rooted in toxic masculinity. Does this mean every person who thinks this way is toxic? Not at all. Actually, far from it. It just means it is a toxic characteristic. Those who make certain sexual acts a requirement transform the act into a chore. The partner is not pleasing the other because they want to; they’re doing it because they have to. I understand this is not always the intent behind the requirement. But it is the reality that comes with it. No sexual acts should feel like a chore.
For those who are adamantly against performing oral on their partner, answer the following questions:
- What is the worst thing that will happen if you decide to perform oral sex on your partner?
- Will you melt?
- Will you be less of a man by performing oral? How?
I want to remind readers of something. What we perceive as masculinity and femininity are social constructs. The actions you perform in life, or how you interact as your authentic self, do not make you any less than whoever you are.
There is a belief that men have to be dominators within sex roles. This is fiction. It is untrue. Regardless of who you are, it is perfectly fine to be dominant or submissive, or both. Express your sexuality to its fullest extent. I even recommend asking for feedback from your partners, especially when it comes to performing oral sex.
Be receptive to feedback. Sometimes you need to interrupt the flow of intercourse and let your partner know that you are just not feeling it and the sexual chemistry, or whatever they’re doing, is not working. When there are some issues in chemistry or pleasure, get creative. Introduce toys while providing oral sex. For those who are not into oral sex at all, this is another good reason to purchase adult toys. Please your partner through innovative ways.
To quote YouTuber Tonya TKO, “At the end of the day, for every man giving less, there’s a woman out there accepting less.” A relationship is about mutual respect and pleasure; it’s about togetherness.
