Chapter 4
Safety is a Priority
When one brings up safety within the context of sex, the common thought is either condoms or the pill. Over the years, there has been an increase in awareness around different birth control methods and condom usage. I am happy to see this; however, I have noticed that there is a trend of people not wanting to use protection during sexual encounters. I would love to say that this chapter is going to be geared towards discussing all of the different contraceptives out there, but I am not. As I mentioned before, there’s a multitude of awareness about them and I would rather keep this chapter brief. I will, however, discuss ways of staying safe.
In addition to wearing condoms when having sex with multiple partners, please get tested on a regular basis. I will forever encourage people to get tested because there are too many diseases spreading in this world, many of which can be avoided. Though some diseases have cures, there are also those that do not have a cure. If there is anything that you can do to reduce the risk of spreading diseases, I recommend doing it and utilizing testing options. Some of the sexually transmitted infections are able to do a lot more damage to your body if not caught on time, regardless of gender expression.
With testing comes honest communication. I am not telling you to disclose your status immediately. If you are not comfortable enough with the person to disclose your status, I will recommend not engaging in sex with the person until you trust them enough to tell them or utilize some form of barrier method. This is not me telling anyone what to do with their body, but reminding you to ensure you are being respectful of your partner(s)’s body. Also, do not indicate that you are free of any sexual diseases if you have not been tested. Regardless if you only do oral, frottage, or whatever else falls within your sexual behavior, know your status. Knowing your status is a benefit for you and your partner(s). You may even get tested with your partner(s).
If your results are positive for any sexual infection, the best practice is to notify those you have been sexually intimate with. There is pain in hearing this news and there is fear attached with those positive results. The hurt and fear is understandable. First and foremost, feel what you need to feel and then seek out whatever resource you need that will assist you with overcoming the news. Those who you notify may lash out or reject the news. Some may flat out say you did not get the disease from them. Some may even appreciate you for letting them know. People react differently; it is hard to know how anyone will react to such news. Regardless of the reaction, I want you to focus on yourself because your pain is just as valid as the other person’s.
Positive results have a stigma attached to them. For example, some indicate that they are free of sexual diseases by saying they are “clean”, implying that those with a disease are dirty. Having a disease does not make a person dirty. Clean is just another one of the many microaggressions that exist in this world. Those who test positive for any disease, be it in the past or ongoing, are still sexual beings worthy of love and affection.
Other than sexual safety, one also must think about physical safety. There are dangers out there, some of which have been discussed in previous chapters. I wish I could say there are no dangers out there, but there are many people who prey on the weak and attack the strong. To keep myself from telling adults how to be responsible, I will keep this short. If you feel unsafe, let someone know. When traveling, be sure to tell others you trust where you are going. Share your GPS location with those you trust. Communicate your actions while out on the town and send pictures of people and places, if need be. Whatever you need to make sure you feel safe, I say do it.
